I don't know exactly what day this happened, but you said your first word association that we could understand some time last week. It was not "Mama" or "Dada," but rather, our dog's name, "Leia."
Leia and You
You seem to have a fondness for Leia which is nice to see. Although it may seem as though the feelings are not reciprocal, I'm sure she cares about you too. It's just that I'm not sure if she understands that your motor skills have not developed to the point where your body movements are more subtle and gentle. In other words, while you may be displaying affection through touch, the intensity might be a little much for the dog. You'll learn and so will she.
It's so fascinating watching you grow and develop and learn new things. And to think that, at this time last year, you were still in your mother's belly.
Your mother with you in the belly
It's all kinds of crazy and I'm loving every single second.
Time passes so quickly. That's good enough reason to enjoy every moment we have while we're still here.
I just finished writing you a post about how nothing lasts forever and how our time here is short. So, with that in mind, I just wanted to write to you as if this were my last post (and I sure hope that it isn't!). So, for as long as I'm around, this will be a list that will be updated here and there.
Your mother and I loved you before you even came into this world
You are loved and you are a miracle.
Everything around you is a miracle, if you only look hard enough.
Thus, beauty is all around us
Nothing lasts forever
... so learn to let go
Treat every sentient being equally with compassion and empathy
... if not, then at least do no harm
Stay true to yourself
Live with strength, courage, determination, and perseverance
Embrace technology
Learn basic survival skills and how to be resourceful
Get your hands dirty
Live in the moment
Let go of the past because it's done and there's nothing you can do to change it
Let go of expected outcomes of the future because you can't predict it, so just enjoy the ride
There is only now
There are things you can control, but far more things that you can't
The ones you can control are mostly found within you
The ones you can't control are are mostly outside of you
Do your best
Never stop learning
Life is not perfect and that is why it is perfect
When you fall, just get back up
When you make mistakes, just learn from them
When you fail, just try again
Collaboration > competition
Adversity is a character builder
Love, material things, and food were meant to be shared; that is how they are truly enjoyed.
Be aware of the illusions of the ego
Just be aware (and not "beware," I'm talking on a more esoteric level)
Everyone and everything is your teacher, so be open to learning
Be open to all possibilities
Don't take yourself too seriously
Have fun!
We are all connected
Do not take people you care about for granted
Humans all want to feel valued
There aren't many things more important than family and friends
The reality of our society is that we cannot escape or be above material goods, but often we confuse price and value. So, remember, it' doesn't matter so much about how much you paid for something, but rather how much it's worth. And when I talk about "worth," go beyond dollar signs.
Look deeper and beyond superficialities such as color, gender, culture, religion, sexual orientation, borders, age, status, looks in general, material things, and etc etc etc to appreciate others and yourself for your true essence. None of those things define you or others. You just are who you are.
Treat everyone equally
There will always be someone better than you at something and have more things, but it doesn't matter and make him/her better than you as a person
There will always be someone worse than you at something and have less things, but it doesn't matter and make him/her worse than you as a person
In other words, it's not your place to judge people let alone on superficial bullshit.
Everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt because we don't know nor will we ever know for sure what someone's true story is and why he/she does the things that he/she does
Seek the truth
Stick to the facts
Think critically
Love one another
Be happy
Of course, I could be wrong about all of this. So, go out there and experience life!
As you go through life, some people will tell you how the world is a cruel, cruel place. You'll probably also experience and witness events that might lead you to think the same conclusion. Well, it's kinda true and kinda not true at the same time, just like how there will be times when you think that life is beautiful and life is great.
You see, from a conventional perspective, it all has to do with how nothing lasts forever. Every living thing on this earth is destined to die from the moment it was conceived. Physical items can break and will most definitely decay over time and use. Life events will come and go. Emotional and psychological states will constantly change.
But, I think if you look more closely, you'll see that (for the most part) physical things don't simply vanish into thin air, disappear, and cease to exist. Rather, these things are merely changing and transforming to various degrees, just like emotional and psychological states. I'll even venture to say that while I think energy actually does lasts forever (or at least comes close), it is constantly changing and transforming too. All of these things are intertwined with the only constants being time and change. But we are still left with the fact that everything as we know it will one day stop ceasing to be as we know it, so what are we going to do?
Perhaps the biggest issue with all of this is the fact that we suffer. We feel negative emotions such as anger, depression, anxiety, sadness, and so on. The reason for our suffering is that we get attached to people, things, events, ideas, states, and memories. So, whenever we lose any of the things we have attached ourselves to as we have known them, it is not uncommon to react in a negative way. By virtue of logic, the way out of this suffering is to not be attached anything. Simple, right? But it's easier said than done, at least for myself anyway. And it's quite a challenge to think otherwise when the society we live in bombards you with propaganda that you need more and you need to be more AND you need validation from others to be happy.
This subject, both simple and complex at the same time, is something that is the underlying theme for this blog and for future posts, but for now, what makes the most sense to me is that we should appreciate the people we care about, the good times we've experienced, and the things we have while we have them because they don't last forever and we should inversely be patient when times are rough, and accept them as such because that too will pass. This all has to do with the idea of being able to let go and live in the moment, and when you do, then you are truly living.
A wise friend of mine once told me that life is like a wheel, constantly in motion, going through cycles of good times and bad times. While we don't have control over stopping or starting the motion, and maybe even when the good times and bad times occur, we do have control over how we perceive the length of the good times and bad times to be. In the end, it's a question of perception and attitude on how we go on in the circle of life.
No one really knows for certain how much time they have on Earth to live. In the grand scheme of things, it's actually really, really short. So, we need to make the most of it. I'm going to do my best to give you guidance if you need it, the space you need so you can explore and discover the world on your own. And I will love you unconditionally for as long as I am around.
Today, I stayed at home to work today; your mother thought it would be nice to go for a walk later since the forecast was looking good. She was right on both counts. It ended up being a beautiful day and the day was more than nice.
Your mother said that she wouldn't bother me as I worked from home, but she did need help for some things as the day went on as she would not have been able to do certain things otherwise since your Lola and Lolo went out.
When I changed your diaper today, you were quite squirmy, so I went to find a toy for you to occupy yourself with. I found the toy plastic hotdog that your Lola Lilet gave you. It calmed you down and helped with the changing process, but then something lovely happened after you were all cleaned up with a fresh diaper. You offered me the toy for me to chew on like you do. I thought that was the sweetest thing. I was floored; I've never seen you do that before and I don't know of anyone teaching you this. Perhaps this is something that most babies do? Perhaps this is an indication of your willingness to share? Who knows? All I know that it was nice and it felt like such a pure and genuine gesture.
Later this evening, as your mother was finishing feeding you supper with cut-up green beans, she fed me a couple and then, you offered some to me too. What a sweet baby!
I said that I would remember this forever. I'm putting this to paper a digital blog to make sure I do.
I know that for some, what you did might not seem like a big deal, but it meant the world to me that you were so willing to share. I'll do my best to do the same. Thank you for reminding me that life and love are best enjoyed when shared.
I love you,
-Dad
PS: Here's a cute video about sharing. It's not necessarily for the lesson; it's more because I thought how funny it is how you and the robot make similar sounding Wookieesounds.
Just a couple of points to wrap up my last rant post.
While the Catholic church advocates blind faith and infallible teachings, thereby creating a suppressive environment, in Buddhism, the Buddha himself "undermines the scriptural authority of his own words when he exhorts his followers not to accept the validity of his teachings simply on the basis of reverence to him." (His Holiness the Dalai Lama, "The Universe In A Single Atom," 2005, p. 24) In other words, you just can't take someone's word for it just because someone said so; it's about Critical Thinking, aka understanding based on reason and experience.
Typical clichéd picture of The Thinker because I'm talking about thinking.
A great example of the dangers of not doing your due diligence when accepting things as fact is what's happening with the #StopKony campaign from Invisible Children, (IC) a nonprofit organization. This will probably (and hopefully) not be around by the time you read this, but to sum up, basically, this company produced a heartstring-pulling 30 minute viral video that got 100 million hits and blew up the internet with calls for slacktivism. This video got TONS of people talking and wanting to take action and buy bracelets to put someone in jail. BUT, the problem is that a lot of people got caught up in the emotional narrative of this campaign without digging deeper to see if 1) Kony was the real problem 2) IC's proposed solution was the real solution 3) to ensure that any well-intentioned actions that one might take might actually do more harm than good. I should know, I was one of those people. In fact, this is a problem that I've had for a long time and have only really recognized not too long ago; I suspect that this might have something to do with growing up in a Catholic environment where you must respect your elders and listen to what they say and not talk back.
Now, I'll probably get pissed if you talk back at me or your mother, but I'll do my best to ensure that the only reason I get pissed off is because of disrespect. So, your mother and I will do our best to ensure that any disagreements we have are handled in a respectful and reasonable manner so that it doesn't even get to that point. Basically, my hope for you is that you have a critical mind of your own and that you are as unrelenting with seeking the truth as you currently are when you want to get something out of your reach. We'll do our best to explain things to you in a rational, logical manner so that you are satisfied with the answers you get when you reach your "Why?" phase. When you get older, I will expect that you call out ANYONE AND EVERYONE (including myself) on imposing any kind of oppressive language. And that's the thing. If you simply accept someone's word for it, they have a power over you and this opens the door for letting someone take advantage of you. That's bad.
So, what's the most important key to critical thinking? Three letters: W-H-Y. Always ask "why?" Always question assumptions. Now, this quest for the truth is a lifelong endeavour. Thus, you need to understand that what you might have considered to be true one day, might be completely wrong the next. This will not rock your world too badly if you adhere to one of the basic fundamentals of critical thought, which is an openness to all possibilities. This also has a lot to do with being able to "let go," which is a post I'll be writing about in the near future.
I want to tell you that I strongly believe that this view is complete BULLSHIT. If anything, EVERYTHING about you coming into this world was all about love.
Here's how we found out. Last Saturday, on March 10th, 2012, your mother went to a preparation session for your cousin Tiffany's baptism; your mother will be her Godmother. Apparently, during the session, they spent a good 45 minutes condemning IVF. That's nothing like the session we had for your prep session for your baptism, which was actually a pleasant experience.
The priest equated the procedure to be the moral low of adultery. A couple smugly said that it was the "easy way out" and that it was selfish. The Church says that this medical intervention disassociates "the sexual act from the procreative act" and it "entrusts the life and identity of the embryo into the power of doctors and biologists and establishes the domination of technology over the origin and destiny of the human person,"
I'm failing to understand how any of these claims make any sense. To say that IVF is on the same level as adultery implies malicious intent and deception. I can assure you that we went into this procedure knowingly and with intentions of absolute love. In fact, because of all we went through, I believe that it made the bond between your mother and I even stronger.
To say that IVF is the "easy way out" and that maybe couples having fertility issues are just not meant to have kids and consider adoption, it's clear that people who make such claims did not endure the physical, emotional, psychological, and financial difficulties that we went through, especially your mother. And I can assure you too, that we would have done it all over again and that it was all worth it, and then some. I'm sure that I speak on behalf of many couples who have been in a similar situation in that we appreciate you being here that much more, especially when I hear people complain about their kids and hear about couples who don't even want kids and have them by accident. What we went through has given me such a profound appreciation of what it takes to have a child and you are NOT taken for granted. Personally, I think the couple who said this is enjoying the view from their high horse.. Until you walk a mile in someone else's shoes, maybe it's best to keep your righteous indignation to yourself. And as for adoption, well, we were always planning to also adopt. It's not wrong to want to have your own kids, so what's wrong with getting a little help? And remember, you are here because we wanted you here.
As for the Church's reasoning, I'm finding it hard to take many of their judgments seriously, let alone infallible. This is coming from a committee of old men where women have no say. This is an institution that has created an environment where sexual abuse of children is an epidemic. This is also an institution that was used to suppress the indigenous people of Latin America, the Philippines, and other colonies. While Jesus said to "sell what you own, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven" (Mark 10:21-22), the Vatican went on to become a wealthy, globalized institution. I'm sure that many of the Church's rulings would be different if women had a say. But back to their argument that it goes against Natural Law, then why have the medical field at all? If you're sick, well I guess it was meant to be, same thing if you survive, because it was simply God's will. Absurd! I'm of the belief that technological advancements should be embraced provided that they are used in goodwill. After all, if they exist, then it must be God's will, right? Anyway, here's an excellent article with strong counter-arguments on the Catholic Church's stance on IVF.
I need to be clear that I DO value the teachings of Christ, rather, I have a problem with an institution that's supposed to carry out his word and teachings. I also need to be clear that the essential teachings of the Church on how to live as a decent human being are lessons that I appreciate along with what important figures in this religion represent (ie: saints, prophets, etc); I just take issue with how certain things are run and how it seems as though the Church is out of touch with today's realities; so rigid, so staunch, and so inflexible. Also, just because I feel this way, please do not let it affect how you view people who do practice this faith because Jesus' teachings are still important and everyone deserves respect no matter what they believe in.
In our room, there is a decorative text right above your crib with a quote from the Bible:
"For this child I have prayed, and the Lord has granted the desires of my heart." 1 Samuel 1:27
This quote comes from the story of Hannah, who prays to God to have a child of her own. If her wish was granted, she vowed to give him back to God, in care of the priests who listened to her prayers. Hannah's wish was granted and she gave birth to the prophet Samuel. You know, we prayed so hard for you and we truly believe that someone listened to our prayers and granted our wish. In our case, the wish came in form of a blessing and recent advancements in fertility technology. Who is to say that these technological advances are not a blessing from God?
So, while I'm pretty close to renouncing my Catholic faith, it doesn't mean that I don't believe in a higher power. In fact, I've gained a greater appreciation for this idea. So, your mother and I took a quiz on which religion is right for us. Our answers were pretty close. Mahayana Buddhism, Taoism/Daoism, and Unitarian Universalism ranked among the top 5 for us both. The common themes found among these three religions are:
the idea that the higher power is a life force, an energy, that is found in all of us and everything
every sentient being deserves respect
I'm much more partial to this idea because what is implicit is the notion that while science, reason, and logic are essential, there's too much we don't know about that they can't even explain and we need to be open to any possibility.
I don't know much about a lot of things, but I have lived through some experiences that that make me believe that some higher power exists.
In the end, I refuse to be part of an institution that says you were the outcome of something evil when you're a miracle in my eyes and the eyes of so many.
So, now that you know a little bit about your mother and I, I would like to talk to you about something that we both share and ties us so close together. I'm talking about faith. Also, it helps if you read your mother's post about the story of you if you haven't already.
complete trust or confidence in someone or something
strong belief in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual conviction rather than proof:
Despite all of the hardships and heartache we experienced before you were born, your mother and I always had faith that we would have a baby, aka you. There were no guarantees and there were times where the strength of our faith wavered, but it never died. I think it helps when you surround yourself with a strong support system.
Your mother and I were born and raised as Roman Catholics, though we don't go to church every Sunday. We believe that it's more important to live your day-to-day life as a good person as Jesus would have wanted you to rather than certain people who go every Sunday, take pride in that fact, yet act like stuck-up jerks or engage in activities that seem to contradict the teachings of the church. I guess that's another topic altogether. Although, it definitely wouldn't hurt to go as often as you can and as often as you want, since there's something to be said about dedication, so long as you do things for all the right reasons.
When times were tough, your mom and I took refuge in two places, one fairly close by and another about three hours away from our current home.
The one three hours away is a pilgrimage we took every couple of months. I'm talking about the shrine of Sainte-Anne-de-Beaupré which is near one of the most beautiful cities on the planet, Québec City.
Saint-Anne was Jesus' grandmother. Not much is known about her but she is often depicted as a loving figure in Jesus' childhood. I think that's what happens when you become a grandparent. Because, I know that my memories of my grandmothers (we call them "Lolas" in the Filipino tradition) are nothing but tender, sweet and loving moments. I'll tell you all about your great-grandmothers in another post. Also, I see how your grandparents (aka my parents and your mother's parents) are around you; they just go bananas and are so full of love.
So, the shrine was built in the honor of Saint-Anne and it is known for healing people and thus giving people hope to receive miracles. Also, Saint-Anne is the patron saint of people trying to get pregnant. I'm sure she heard our prayers loud and clear; we always felt better going there, feeling safe in the Shrine, and leaving with a feeling of reassurance that everything would be ok even if it didn't seem like it at the time. So, we are ever grateful for Saint-Anne and her guidance and that a shrine to her exists and isn't too far.
When we didn't have time to make the three-hour trek to see Saint-Anne, we would go somewhere much closer. In fact, it's one of my favorite places in the world, not to mention that it's right here, in Montréal, Saint-Joseph's Oratory.
The Oratory at night
Located atop of Mount Royal, it's about as close as you can physically get to Heaven in this city without getting in an airplane or helicopter. Constructed in 1904, it is an icon in our city, reflecting the strong Catholic roots here in Montréal. It is an impressive structure whose dome is modeled after Saint-Peter's Basilica in Rome. There is a flight of 99 wooden steps reserved for pilgrims who wish to make a prayer on their knees for every step they climb. Founded by Saint Brother André, this was a place of refuge for many people for many years. They say that that he performed miracles; he was thus recently canonized in 2009.
This is the place I go to when I'm feeling hopeless; I pray for strength. This is also a place where I go to give thanks when I feel blessed. Because of our schedules, your mother and I have gone many times at night, around 8:30pm and the feeling of tranquility and peace is just wonderful, especially when you go outside and see a vista overlooking the city that spans for miles on a clear day.
The view isn't the most aesthetically pleasing, but that big brown building is the Jewish General Hospital where many people I care about, including your mother, have gone to heal. As if St-Joseph was literally looking over them. (courtesy of Jamie Snook)
In the Votive Chapel, there are Bas-Reliefs depicting Saint-Joseph's patronage for a particular cause. Here, you can make a donation to light a candle; usually people follow this up with a prayer. The one your mother and I always went to is the one for Families. We also spent a lot of time at the Central Lamp Stand where there is a statue of Saint-Joseph looking over us.
Saint-Joseph at the Central Lamp Stand in the Votive Chapel (courtesy of Alain Carpentier)
Standing in front of his statue, I have always felt safe in Saint-Joseph's presence. Here, at the Central Lamp Stand, is intended for people to ask Saint-Joseph for favours. I know what I asked for and I have a pretty good idea of what your mother asked for too. I am convinced that Saint-Joseph had a big part in you being here. That's where you get part of your name from.
I believe that all of those prayers and those pilgrimages really meant something. How could I not when our very own miracle came true?
You and your mother at a lookout in St-Joseph's Oratory
I don't know much about a lot of things, but I do believe in the power of Faith and intention and that they help you get over the rough times in life and help you appreciate the great moments too.
MJ, you don't have to be religious or even follow a religion if you don't want to; we won't force you to. But I hope that you can appreciate that we are all part of something much greater than ourselves and life can have more meaning if you only believe.
