Just a couple of points to wrap up my last rant post.
While the Catholic church advocates blind faith and infallible teachings, thereby creating a suppressive environment, in Buddhism, the Buddha himself "undermines the scriptural authority of his own words when he exhorts his followers not to accept the validity of his teachings simply on the basis of reverence to him." (His Holiness the Dalai Lama, "The Universe In A Single Atom," 2005, p. 24) In other words, you just can't take someone's word for it just because someone said so; it's about Critical Thinking, aka understanding based on reason and experience.
Typical clichéd picture of The Thinker because I'm talking about thinking.
A great example of the dangers of not doing your due diligence when accepting things as fact is what's happening with the #StopKony campaign from Invisible Children, (IC) a nonprofit organization. This will probably (and hopefully) not be around by the time you read this, but to sum up, basically, this company produced a heartstring-pulling 30 minute viral video that got 100 million hits and blew up the internet with calls for slacktivism. This video got TONS of people talking and wanting to take action and buy bracelets to put someone in jail. BUT, the problem is that a lot of people got caught up in the emotional narrative of this campaign without digging deeper to see if 1) Kony was the real problem 2) IC's proposed solution was the real solution 3) to ensure that any well-intentioned actions that one might take might actually do more harm than good. I should know, I was one of those people. In fact, this is a problem that I've had for a long time and have only really recognized not too long ago; I suspect that this might have something to do with growing up in a Catholic environment where you must respect your elders and listen to what they say and not talk back.
Now, I'll probably get pissed if you talk back at me or your mother, but I'll do my best to ensure that the only reason I get pissed off is because of disrespect. So, your mother and I will do our best to ensure that any disagreements we have are handled in a respectful and reasonable manner so that it doesn't even get to that point. Basically, my hope for you is that you have a critical mind of your own and that you are as unrelenting with seeking the truth as you currently are when you want to get something out of your reach. We'll do our best to explain things to you in a rational, logical manner so that you are satisfied with the answers you get when you reach your "Why?" phase. When you get older, I will expect that you call out ANYONE AND EVERYONE (including myself) on imposing any kind of oppressive language. And that's the thing. If you simply accept someone's word for it, they have a power over you and this opens the door for letting someone take advantage of you. That's bad.
So, what's the most important key to critical thinking? Three letters: W-H-Y. Always ask "why?" Always question assumptions. Now, this quest for the truth is a lifelong endeavour. Thus, you need to understand that what you might have considered to be true one day, might be completely wrong the next. This will not rock your world too badly if you adhere to one of the basic fundamentals of critical thought, which is an openness to all possibilities. This also has a lot to do with being able to "let go," which is a post I'll be writing about in the near future.
I want to tell you that I strongly believe that this view is complete BULLSHIT. If anything, EVERYTHING about you coming into this world was all about love.
Here's how we found out. Last Saturday, on March 10th, 2012, your mother went to a preparation session for your cousin Tiffany's baptism; your mother will be her Godmother. Apparently, during the session, they spent a good 45 minutes condemning IVF. That's nothing like the session we had for your prep session for your baptism, which was actually a pleasant experience.
The priest equated the procedure to be the moral low of adultery. A couple smugly said that it was the "easy way out" and that it was selfish. The Church says that this medical intervention disassociates "the sexual act from the procreative act" and it "entrusts the life and identity of the embryo into the power of doctors and biologists and establishes the domination of technology over the origin and destiny of the human person,"
I'm failing to understand how any of these claims make any sense. To say that IVF is on the same level as adultery implies malicious intent and deception. I can assure you that we went into this procedure knowingly and with intentions of absolute love. In fact, because of all we went through, I believe that it made the bond between your mother and I even stronger.
To say that IVF is the "easy way out" and that maybe couples having fertility issues are just not meant to have kids and consider adoption, it's clear that people who make such claims did not endure the physical, emotional, psychological, and financial difficulties that we went through, especially your mother. And I can assure you too, that we would have done it all over again and that it was all worth it, and then some. I'm sure that I speak on behalf of many couples who have been in a similar situation in that we appreciate you being here that much more, especially when I hear people complain about their kids and hear about couples who don't even want kids and have them by accident. What we went through has given me such a profound appreciation of what it takes to have a child and you are NOT taken for granted. Personally, I think the couple who said this is enjoying the view from their high horse.. Until you walk a mile in someone else's shoes, maybe it's best to keep your righteous indignation to yourself. And as for adoption, well, we were always planning to also adopt. It's not wrong to want to have your own kids, so what's wrong with getting a little help? And remember, you are here because we wanted you here.
As for the Church's reasoning, I'm finding it hard to take many of their judgments seriously, let alone infallible. This is coming from a committee of old men where women have no say. This is an institution that has created an environment where sexual abuse of children is an epidemic. This is also an institution that was used to suppress the indigenous people of Latin America, the Philippines, and other colonies. While Jesus said to "sell what you own, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven" (Mark 10:21-22), the Vatican went on to become a wealthy, globalized institution. I'm sure that many of the Church's rulings would be different if women had a say. But back to their argument that it goes against Natural Law, then why have the medical field at all? If you're sick, well I guess it was meant to be, same thing if you survive, because it was simply God's will. Absurd! I'm of the belief that technological advancements should be embraced provided that they are used in goodwill. After all, if they exist, then it must be God's will, right? Anyway, here's an excellent article with strong counter-arguments on the Catholic Church's stance on IVF.
I need to be clear that I DO value the teachings of Christ, rather, I have a problem with an institution that's supposed to carry out his word and teachings. I also need to be clear that the essential teachings of the Church on how to live as a decent human being are lessons that I appreciate along with what important figures in this religion represent (ie: saints, prophets, etc); I just take issue with how certain things are run and how it seems as though the Church is out of touch with today's realities; so rigid, so staunch, and so inflexible. Also, just because I feel this way, please do not let it affect how you view people who do practice this faith because Jesus' teachings are still important and everyone deserves respect no matter what they believe in.
In our room, there is a decorative text right above your crib with a quote from the Bible:
"For this child I have prayed, and the Lord has granted the desires of my heart." 1 Samuel 1:27
This quote comes from the story of Hannah, who prays to God to have a child of her own. If her wish was granted, she vowed to give him back to God, in care of the priests who listened to her prayers. Hannah's wish was granted and she gave birth to the prophet Samuel. You know, we prayed so hard for you and we truly believe that someone listened to our prayers and granted our wish. In our case, the wish came in form of a blessing and recent advancements in fertility technology. Who is to say that these technological advances are not a blessing from God?
So, while I'm pretty close to renouncing my Catholic faith, it doesn't mean that I don't believe in a higher power. In fact, I've gained a greater appreciation for this idea. So, your mother and I took a quiz on which religion is right for us. Our answers were pretty close. Mahayana Buddhism, Taoism/Daoism, and Unitarian Universalism ranked among the top 5 for us both. The common themes found among these three religions are:
the idea that the higher power is a life force, an energy, that is found in all of us and everything
every sentient being deserves respect
I'm much more partial to this idea because what is implicit is the notion that while science, reason, and logic are essential, there's too much we don't know about that they can't even explain and we need to be open to any possibility.
I don't know much about a lot of things, but I have lived through some experiences that that make me believe that some higher power exists.
In the end, I refuse to be part of an institution that says you were the outcome of something evil when you're a miracle in my eyes and the eyes of so many.
So, now that you know a little bit about your mother and I, I would like to talk to you about something that we both share and ties us so close together. I'm talking about faith. Also, it helps if you read your mother's post about the story of you if you haven't already.
complete trust or confidence in someone or something
strong belief in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual conviction rather than proof:
Despite all of the hardships and heartache we experienced before you were born, your mother and I always had faith that we would have a baby, aka you. There were no guarantees and there were times where the strength of our faith wavered, but it never died. I think it helps when you surround yourself with a strong support system.
Your mother and I were born and raised as Roman Catholics, though we don't go to church every Sunday. We believe that it's more important to live your day-to-day life as a good person as Jesus would have wanted you to rather than certain people who go every Sunday, take pride in that fact, yet act like stuck-up jerks or engage in activities that seem to contradict the teachings of the church. I guess that's another topic altogether. Although, it definitely wouldn't hurt to go as often as you can and as often as you want, since there's something to be said about dedication, so long as you do things for all the right reasons.
When times were tough, your mom and I took refuge in two places, one fairly close by and another about three hours away from our current home.
The one three hours away is a pilgrimage we took every couple of months. I'm talking about the shrine of Sainte-Anne-de-Beaupré which is near one of the most beautiful cities on the planet, Québec City.
Saint-Anne was Jesus' grandmother. Not much is known about her but she is often depicted as a loving figure in Jesus' childhood. I think that's what happens when you become a grandparent. Because, I know that my memories of my grandmothers (we call them "Lolas" in the Filipino tradition) are nothing but tender, sweet and loving moments. I'll tell you all about your great-grandmothers in another post. Also, I see how your grandparents (aka my parents and your mother's parents) are around you; they just go bananas and are so full of love.
So, the shrine was built in the honor of Saint-Anne and it is known for healing people and thus giving people hope to receive miracles. Also, Saint-Anne is the patron saint of people trying to get pregnant. I'm sure she heard our prayers loud and clear; we always felt better going there, feeling safe in the Shrine, and leaving with a feeling of reassurance that everything would be ok even if it didn't seem like it at the time. So, we are ever grateful for Saint-Anne and her guidance and that a shrine to her exists and isn't too far.
When we didn't have time to make the three-hour trek to see Saint-Anne, we would go somewhere much closer. In fact, it's one of my favorite places in the world, not to mention that it's right here, in Montréal, Saint-Joseph's Oratory.
The Oratory at night
Located atop of Mount Royal, it's about as close as you can physically get to Heaven in this city without getting in an airplane or helicopter. Constructed in 1904, it is an icon in our city, reflecting the strong Catholic roots here in Montréal. It is an impressive structure whose dome is modeled after Saint-Peter's Basilica in Rome. There is a flight of 99 wooden steps reserved for pilgrims who wish to make a prayer on their knees for every step they climb. Founded by Saint Brother André, this was a place of refuge for many people for many years. They say that that he performed miracles; he was thus recently canonized in 2009.
This is the place I go to when I'm feeling hopeless; I pray for strength. This is also a place where I go to give thanks when I feel blessed. Because of our schedules, your mother and I have gone many times at night, around 8:30pm and the feeling of tranquility and peace is just wonderful, especially when you go outside and see a vista overlooking the city that spans for miles on a clear day.
The view isn't the most aesthetically pleasing, but that big brown building is the Jewish General Hospital where many people I care about, including your mother, have gone to heal. As if St-Joseph was literally looking over them. (courtesy of Jamie Snook)
In the Votive Chapel, there are Bas-Reliefs depicting Saint-Joseph's patronage for a particular cause. Here, you can make a donation to light a candle; usually people follow this up with a prayer. The one your mother and I always went to is the one for Families. We also spent a lot of time at the Central Lamp Stand where there is a statue of Saint-Joseph looking over us.
Saint-Joseph at the Central Lamp Stand in the Votive Chapel (courtesy of Alain Carpentier)
Standing in front of his statue, I have always felt safe in Saint-Joseph's presence. Here, at the Central Lamp Stand, is intended for people to ask Saint-Joseph for favours. I know what I asked for and I have a pretty good idea of what your mother asked for too. I am convinced that Saint-Joseph had a big part in you being here. That's where you get part of your name from.
I believe that all of those prayers and those pilgrimages really meant something. How could I not when our very own miracle came true?
You and your mother at a lookout in St-Joseph's Oratory
I don't know much about a lot of things, but I do believe in the power of Faith and intention and that they help you get over the rough times in life and help you appreciate the great moments too.
MJ, you don't have to be religious or even follow a religion if you don't want to; we won't force you to. But I hope that you can appreciate that we are all part of something much greater than ourselves and life can have more meaning if you only believe.
